


Fixing to Die

by iamapdssufferer



Series: tumblr ITF prompts! [1]
Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Kieren and Amy are Friends, M/M, rick macy dies off screen, still alive AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-04
Updated: 2015-04-04
Packaged: 2018-03-21 07:09:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3682752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamapdssufferer/pseuds/iamapdssufferer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for the anon prompt: ‘i called the wrong number and started talking about my life and you only interrupted me after a few minutes of me revealing some pretty personal stuff and now you’re invested in my life troubles’ AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fixing to Die

**Author's Note:**

> Two fics written in one day, go me! Title from Keaton Henson's Corpse Roads. I don't own In the Flesh, nor do I make any money from this fic. 
> 
> Feel free to send me prompts with solo Kieren or him and another person to my rp blog, whodwantsomeonelikeme.tumblr.com  
> You can send prompts with other characters or ships that don't involve Kieren to my main blog, iamapdssufferer.tumblr.com

It was three in the morning, and Kieren had gotten the worst news possible. Rick was dead. Rick had been standing too close to an IED and been--. Kieren struggled on a breath. It was lucky Rick had left instructions for Kieren to be called as well as his family, because otherwise there was no doubt in Kieren’s mind that he wouldn’t have found out until it was much later, and certainly not from Bill Macy.

He stood in silence for a few moments, feeling as though he couldn’t breathe. Rick, his best friend, his secret love, Rick. Rick was gone. When he finally able to draw in a few short, stuttering breaths, he gently unclenched his hand from the death grip he’d had on the phone, hung up on the now empty line, and dialled from memory. The instant it was picked up, he was talking.

“Amy? Amy, I’m sorry I woke you, but I just. Rick’s--” He choked on a shuddering breath, letting free what sounded like a little sob. “Amy, Rick’s dead. He’s dead and I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I’m drowning. I feel like...it feels as though my heart has just stopped. I don’t want to go on without him, Amy. I don’t know if I can...I never told him I loved him.” Kieren shook his head, then, and let out a slightly strangled laugh. “I’m not even sure why I called you. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have woken you up so early.”

A voice that was deep and Irish accented and decidedly not Amy finally piped up from the other end. “I don’t mind listening, if you need someone. It probably goes without saying that I’m not Amy. My name is Simon, and I met her when she was abroad.”

Kieren was silent for a long moment, before an incredulous laugh broke free of him. “She would have told me if she had a friend staying with her! When did you get in, just a moment ago when I rang?”

He could practically hear the smirk in Simon’s voice with the easy reply of ‘yes’ down the line. “I meant it, Kieren. You’ve already told me quite a lot, and I’m not tired. I don’t mind staying up with you and talking with you about this, if you’re alright with it.”

Kieren was a little taken aback by how open and kind, yet serious the man sounded, and finally he hung his head, clutching a bit tighter to the phone, and nodded, though he knew Simon couldn’t see. “If you really don’t mind...I’d really appreciate it. I...Well, Rick was my best mate. And we...we were involved, though it was a secret. His dad isn’t so welcoming. You’ll want to avoid him if you’re sticking around for a while, Bill Macy is a right piece of work.”

Kieren released a shaky breath, before continuing. “Rick and I have been friends since we were young, and we came out to each other. He didn’t tell anyone else, though, and no one was really surprised to find out I fancied men. It was...it was everything. It was electric, it was fireworks. It wasn’t perfect, far from it what with us keeping it so hush hush, but...it was Rick. And I loved him.”

Here, another small sob forced itself free. “I loved him, and I never got to tell him. And now I never will.” He had somehow found himself back in his room at this point, his grief bringing on a bought of exhaustion. He crawled into bed, pulling the covers close to his chest with one hand, the phone still held in the other.

Simon didn’t respond for a while, probably heard Kieren moving and was waiting for the younger man to get situated, and then his strong but quiet voice crept into the room. “Kieren. I want you to promise me you won’t do anything foolish. Can you do that?” At Kieren’s soft affirmative, Simon let out a slow, relieved breath, before speaking again.

”It’s going to hurt. It’s absolutely going to hurt, and how long it’s going to hurt for is something that no one could predict. It’s grief, and it manifests itself in different people in different ways. Other people that may have been friends with Rick might not cry at all. Their grief might manifest as anger. Your grief might manifest as a soul wrenching pain that you think might never go away. And that’s okay. As long as you don’t do anything to intentionally harm yourself, you can grieve however you’d like. Don’t let anyone, especially not this Bill character, that you don’t have the right to grieve, because you do. And you grieve, Kieren. You grieve until you can grieve no more. You grieve however long you need, because Rick was someone you loved, and even though it was a secret, that doesn’t mean your pain doesn’t count. It does, and it will forever. Your pain counts, Kieren, don’t let people tell you otherwise.”

And when Kieren Walker finally fell asleep, with a softly breathed ‘thank you’, it was to the sound of Simon Monroe telling him everything would be okay, because Simon would make sure of it.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are love!


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